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Thursday, October 5, 2017
So much stuff in my brain....
I want to keep writing and writing and writing to try and get all this stuff, ideas, or things out of my head. I also want to continue the dialogue, When Mom has Cancer. I think it is important for myself, and for others, to learn what it is like to deal with cancer while having a young family. I am learning as I am writing this-taking it all in is overwhelming some days and I do have to disconnect.
One very important part of being a mom with cancer, is spending quality time with my children. While the boys are young men, building their own lives, it is my precious, sweet girl...who I try and lavish much attention and love on. She knows the word cancer, but does she know how that will really effect our family in the distant future? Death is not something that I can truly comprehend, how do I expect her to even have an inkling of the "proper" behavior when dealing with her mother's illness. We just play. We play, we read, we spend time together learning new things, because I want to give her all of me, now. I want to fill her soul with love; love for others, but also love for herself. If I am not around, she is going to need to be tough, and know that she is favored by God, and will stand strong. I want her to make all the "best" decisions she can for her age, with the knowledge that she is stronger than anything that can try and bring her down. I just want to be her mother and snuggle with her as much for as long as I can. She is my world. They all are, no need in explaining that-they know it.
It's days like tomorrow that put a crimp in the emotions; DOCTOR DAY. All results will be in and I am just so apprehensive. What next? Have I morphed enough to qualify for the stem cell? Do I mention it? How will it all go? My foggy brain only remembers key phrases he said two weeks ago, and the look of "get me outta here before she asks too many questions", on his face. Staining the cells, counting the blasts...blah blah...BLASTS!?!? Do I have blasts...I don't remember what he said.
But for today, I am going to end here and try to accomplish a few things. Had some calls and messages from friends to get to. Sadly, at one time I could multi-task...now I have to multi-ask everyone what the hell I was doing!!!!
Enjoy a few photos from our weekend...almost a weekend ago! lmao
One very important part of being a mom with cancer, is spending quality time with my children. While the boys are young men, building their own lives, it is my precious, sweet girl...who I try and lavish much attention and love on. She knows the word cancer, but does she know how that will really effect our family in the distant future? Death is not something that I can truly comprehend, how do I expect her to even have an inkling of the "proper" behavior when dealing with her mother's illness. We just play. We play, we read, we spend time together learning new things, because I want to give her all of me, now. I want to fill her soul with love; love for others, but also love for herself. If I am not around, she is going to need to be tough, and know that she is favored by God, and will stand strong. I want her to make all the "best" decisions she can for her age, with the knowledge that she is stronger than anything that can try and bring her down. I just want to be her mother and snuggle with her as much for as long as I can. She is my world. They all are, no need in explaining that-they know it.
It's days like tomorrow that put a crimp in the emotions; DOCTOR DAY. All results will be in and I am just so apprehensive. What next? Have I morphed enough to qualify for the stem cell? Do I mention it? How will it all go? My foggy brain only remembers key phrases he said two weeks ago, and the look of "get me outta here before she asks too many questions", on his face. Staining the cells, counting the blasts...blah blah...BLASTS!?!? Do I have blasts...I don't remember what he said.
But for today, I am going to end here and try to accomplish a few things. Had some calls and messages from friends to get to. Sadly, at one time I could multi-task...now I have to multi-ask everyone what the hell I was doing!!!!
Enjoy a few photos from our weekend...almost a weekend ago! lmao
Monday, October 2, 2017
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