This post contains some links that I have been reading regarding stem cell transplant.
Yes, this is a very personal decision, and a TOUGH one!
http://www.nature.com/bcj/journal/v2/n3/full/bcj20123a.html
http://www.bloodjournal.org/content/116/13/2224?sso-checked=true
All of the information is daunting. Am I a good candidate, yes. Especially with my mental and emotional stamina! It requires a complete ablation of the immune system, and then a donor! The most important part, a donor. Going to put some more research into the topic and consult with doctor on Thursday. Let's see what this old fart says about this! Luckily, I am in at Emory Cancer Center, but that doctor, he is not so stem cell friendly. We shall see!
Blessings
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Sunday Reflections
"Feel the emotion, accept & offer it up, then move on. For He is with to you carry the burden, and believing is all you need." Cara Lynn McLaughlin
I love Sunday's; the lazy quiet mornings. I love listening to the birds and immersing myself into my own thoughts. It used to be a routine in this house to get up and get to Mass, come home and dedicate the day to relaxation, and family time. Gardening work in the spring and summer, and the same in the fall in winter! We DO live in Georgia!
I would like to blame my illness entirely for our lack of participation in the weekly Mass, but then I would have to go to Confession and that's just a whole 'nother can of worms! Religion in this day and age, in my humble opinion, is the like Presidency...just not quite sure which guy to choose. I am sure that makes sense to some people reading.
Back to my point...this is my time of reflection at the beginning of God's week, a time to rest and prepare for that awful Monday that is surely coming. In full disclosure, I wear my pj's all day Monday too; ah, who am I kidding?? I wear my pj's all the time, even considering a line of pj's that are wearable. Dern, off subject again!
Sunday is not the only day that belongs to God is the point I am trying to make. Yet in the still of this morning, I find myself reflecting on the emotions that I keep bottled up inside. I do not want to talk about this illness, but I have to. I have to feel the emotions, allow them to rise to the surface. It sucks. Cancer sucks. It has already been said, and somehow that is the only emotion and word that I can put to this awful disease that rips your whole life away, in one swift second. Well, this is MY life that it stole and I am not happy with that decision. This is the prime of my life "they" say. I was finishing up my BS in Criminal Justice, TWO MAJOR classes away, then I was off to save the world. End injustice. Fight the criminal justice system from the inside and out. MAKE A CHANGE! Brings Michael Jackson to mind, "I'm gonna make a change for once in my life, gonna feel real good, gonna make difference, for once in my life"...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90C-Wx_uGdM
Now in my life, getting out of the house is an adventure! Finishing school is not an option due to the cognitive damage from the TIA, and continued blockage...but I digress. Started singing and the kid came in and needed a KIT KAT bar, and wanted me to hide them from her brothers. Real life people. Sitting behind the keyboard, for some of us, is not a nice place of solitude.
Bringing the emotions to the surface, and the next step is accepting. Yup! Every day is some sort of act of acceptance. Why? Because every day is a different emotion attached to a different symptom complaint. Or if I am overly tired that day, yet slept 15 hours the day before, it gets me mad. A little cold, turned into a month long agonizing immune system attack. Ear infection, cough, fever...let's not revisit it, I am on the upswing and trying to find a normal balance. So accepting the emotion, and allowing myself to actually feel the pain, sorrow, joy, happy...whatever it is, and then offering it up to God. He knows my suffering. He is there to carry it with me, not FOR me, but WITH me. Then, I have to believe with my whole heart that He knows the path. He sees my journey. If every thing that I have been taught, or learned in this life regarding a Creator, I want this one important issue to be addressed:
I love Sunday's; the lazy quiet mornings. I love listening to the birds and immersing myself into my own thoughts. It used to be a routine in this house to get up and get to Mass, come home and dedicate the day to relaxation, and family time. Gardening work in the spring and summer, and the same in the fall in winter! We DO live in Georgia!
I would like to blame my illness entirely for our lack of participation in the weekly Mass, but then I would have to go to Confession and that's just a whole 'nother can of worms! Religion in this day and age, in my humble opinion, is the like Presidency...just not quite sure which guy to choose. I am sure that makes sense to some people reading.
Back to my point...this is my time of reflection at the beginning of God's week, a time to rest and prepare for that awful Monday that is surely coming. In full disclosure, I wear my pj's all day Monday too; ah, who am I kidding?? I wear my pj's all the time, even considering a line of pj's that are wearable. Dern, off subject again!
Sunday is not the only day that belongs to God is the point I am trying to make. Yet in the still of this morning, I find myself reflecting on the emotions that I keep bottled up inside. I do not want to talk about this illness, but I have to. I have to feel the emotions, allow them to rise to the surface. It sucks. Cancer sucks. It has already been said, and somehow that is the only emotion and word that I can put to this awful disease that rips your whole life away, in one swift second. Well, this is MY life that it stole and I am not happy with that decision. This is the prime of my life "they" say. I was finishing up my BS in Criminal Justice, TWO MAJOR classes away, then I was off to save the world. End injustice. Fight the criminal justice system from the inside and out. MAKE A CHANGE! Brings Michael Jackson to mind, "I'm gonna make a change for once in my life, gonna feel real good, gonna make difference, for once in my life"...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90C-Wx_uGdM
Now in my life, getting out of the house is an adventure! Finishing school is not an option due to the cognitive damage from the TIA, and continued blockage...but I digress. Started singing and the kid came in and needed a KIT KAT bar, and wanted me to hide them from her brothers. Real life people. Sitting behind the keyboard, for some of us, is not a nice place of solitude.
Bringing the emotions to the surface, and the next step is accepting. Yup! Every day is some sort of act of acceptance. Why? Because every day is a different emotion attached to a different symptom complaint. Or if I am overly tired that day, yet slept 15 hours the day before, it gets me mad. A little cold, turned into a month long agonizing immune system attack. Ear infection, cough, fever...let's not revisit it, I am on the upswing and trying to find a normal balance. So accepting the emotion, and allowing myself to actually feel the pain, sorrow, joy, happy...whatever it is, and then offering it up to God. He knows my suffering. He is there to carry it with me, not FOR me, but WITH me. Then, I have to believe with my whole heart that He knows the path. He sees my journey. If every thing that I have been taught, or learned in this life regarding a Creator, I want this one important issue to be addressed:
GOD DID NOT CHOOSE THIS CANCER AS PART OF MY LIFE JOURNEY
I believe that God knew me before the beginning of my existence.
I believe that He choose me to be the uniqueness that I am.
I believe that God has no hand in giving someone an illness, tragedy, or suffering in general.
I believe in a good and loving God, who extends His love to all those that He created.
I believe God demands justice for every living kind.
I believe in and accept mortality, especially my own. He knows the time and hour, and my faith is to live and love this life, in the present moment.
I believe in loving every individual to the best of my ability. Even though I am imperfect in my heart for my real feelings for some humans.
I believe in forgiveness, and just flat out forgetting. Mostly because my memory is that of Dory the fish, but now because, why remember? Why linger with remembering? If we are supposed to forget the past, then why forgive but not forget? You can live each moment remembering the awful, or focus on the best! Even someone who is out of your life, for whatever reason, memories remain. The painful ones, let them go. Any hurt or regret, any of that junk, let it go! Trust me, I spend a ton of time in reflection, reading, thinking, then thinking too much...lol...facing a journey such as mine, a life of cancer, a Cancer LIFER - a positive and fresh perspective on the meaning of life, who has meaning in your life, and who is the love of your life, is all that a soul should focus on.
Lazy, or WHAT?
I'd love to call this condition, lazy; but, the title definitely does not work. However, I find my mind has one thousand things to say, but my body does not want to respond.
Physical therapy is working. It has also revealed the definite weakness that has been caused by the multiple TIA's, and shows the need for goal setting, and for accepting my limitations. Yesterday was tough physically, yet also emotionally. When our minds want to do something, and our bodies do not respond in the natural way, I believe it is normal to become frustrated.
Take my hair for example; a daily chemo pill takes its toll on every aspect of my body. Seems a cycle of sorts. My hair was thinning and falling out and not growing, leaving me looking, in my opinion, a hot mess. Shaved it, and it wouldn't grow; but now it is growing, and falling out at the same time! Fingernails, same thing. It is a never ending cycle; so, I accept it. Why fight? Am I frustrated, yup! At the end of the day though, it does not mean a hill of beans.
After the second TIA, I was moving pretty slow and then was knocked down by an upper respiratory infection and horrid ear infection. I do believe I have not had pain like that in a while! Woke up on a Sunday and thought a thousand fires had been lit in my ear overnight! Still on the antibiotics, and without getting personal, THEY SUCK!
Physical therapy is working. It has also revealed the definite weakness that has been caused by the multiple TIA's, and shows the need for goal setting, and for accepting my limitations. Yesterday was tough physically, yet also emotionally. When our minds want to do something, and our bodies do not respond in the natural way, I believe it is normal to become frustrated.
Take my hair for example; a daily chemo pill takes its toll on every aspect of my body. Seems a cycle of sorts. My hair was thinning and falling out and not growing, leaving me looking, in my opinion, a hot mess. Shaved it, and it wouldn't grow; but now it is growing, and falling out at the same time! Fingernails, same thing. It is a never ending cycle; so, I accept it. Why fight? Am I frustrated, yup! At the end of the day though, it does not mean a hill of beans.
After the second TIA, I was moving pretty slow and then was knocked down by an upper respiratory infection and horrid ear infection. I do believe I have not had pain like that in a while! Woke up on a Sunday and thought a thousand fires had been lit in my ear overnight! Still on the antibiotics, and without getting personal, THEY SUCK!
A Project
It's time to put my strength into feeling better and doing more with my time. Two weeks post TIA, and I am getting stronger, and my mind is getting antsy.
I have a craft table where I decoupage quotes and random things that make me happy. One particular quote, "what does cancer feel like", has been nagging at me to explore the topic.
I have a craft table where I decoupage quotes and random things that make me happy. One particular quote, "what does cancer feel like", has been nagging at me to explore the topic.
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