For many, the heart of the home is the mother, but it can be any other central figure, who is the "heart" of the home. The one who keeps it all together-who knows all the kid's birthdays, social security numbers-well, at least I know where they are! The person who fixes boo boos, listens to tall tales-literally, and the all around go to, in the family. In this family, that is me. I am called, Mom.
WOW! Mom is a huge undertaking. With my oldest at the ripe young age of 20, and my youngest turning a mere 8, in just a few months. Don't forget the "middle kids"-there are really two middle kids, becoming young men themselves at the ripe young ages of 18 and 17, well almost 17. He and his sister share their birthday; and she is adopted! That is another story for another time-a blessing, not a coincidence.
I was diagnosed just two short years ago; and I say short, because it seems like they flew by. I was beginning to have symptoms that affected my health. After nearly a year of testing, our worst fears became our reality. And I say our, a lot! It is me who has to deal with the physicality of cancer, but it is ALL OF US, who have to deal with the emotional, spiritual, and mental aspects of a family member with cancer. By the way, I haven't found a book yet, or a list of things to employ, that have helped me, help my family deal with my cancer. I will say, humor has helped greatly! Making jokes makes the reality, seem a little less hard to deal with.
So, now what? I have shared that laughter really is the best medicine, it has been for us; while it is the oldest cliché in the book, it has merit. Sadly though, it does not solve all problems, all the time.
For reference, we have been dealing with this cancer diagnosis, like I mentioned, for 2 years. In that time, we have had to adjust to the reality of Mom having 2 TIAs (which are caused by clots breaking free). Lucky me, I have a cluster of clots, explained to me as looking like a "bunch of grapes", at the base of my left anterior brain. Keeping my body in a "hematogically balanced state", is the key to keeping my clots under control. I have had to visit the ER many times for various different organ dysfunctions, and visited many different doctors, for many different reasons. One would think a person with cancer has one doctor to organize the whole mess, but in reality many doctors are needed because cancer, my cancer anyhow, is a systemic disease. Meaning, it effects the entire body in some way. In a nutshell, we have had to deal with the progressive decline of my body and how it functions.
The boys, have all had to take an active part in my daily care, and take me to many of my appointments. This is something that I never dreamed of after becoming their mother. I am the rock, not them. But, I have learned to cherish the time with them, and see that I have no regrets in the way that they were raised, because they are fine, well adjusted young men. They have circled around me in a way that I can only explain as, protecting mama grizzly bear. They make sure my meds are taken, my needs are met, and include me in their daily lives. 2 of the 3 still reside at home-something I am very thankful for-another tribute to myself for being the greatest mother! In all honesty, they could be running out the door with their "coming of age" independence. But I relish in their company and when it is their time to leave the nest, I will be their BIGGEST cheerleader!
I have spoken to dealing with cancer as a family, using laughter. I have also given a glimpse into how we got where we are now-living and surviving with a rare progressive blood cancer. But...it is right now, in the present moment, when we begin to really face how cancer is going to effect our whole family.
Stay tuned....we are going to address the "now what", in the next blog post. Did I mention that my memory is toast, mush, or whatever you want to call a brain that has been subject to strokes, chemo, multiple drugs, and cancer in general. A little bit at a time.....
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